First Draft - Mahuika Show

27/05/2021

We are learning to re-tell a story in our own words.

Yesterday we left school to go to a amazing show. At the 

There were to sisters and a Nana the sisters names were   Kahu and sissy. Kahu was the oldest one. Sissy is so cheeky. One day Kahu and nana were doing jobs. kahu was complaining that sissy wasn't doing jobs. Kahu found sissy, Nana went off to do  something  sissy found a Kete on the ground she looked inside then they Heard a voice it was nana shouting at them, she grabbed the bag and a man jumped  out  his name was potiki. He was the last flaming fingernail of Mahika. Mahika is  potikis  mother. Nana stood still as a rock. Kahu and sissy asked potiki what  happened to nana. Potiki replied and said your nana is turning into coal. Oh no said Kahu what are we going to do. Potiki said don't worry I'll take you to my mother muhika, and lift the curse Alright lets go . 

Middle

Then They got near a swamp oh no were getting near pukekos swamp. Then they heard a voice it was pokekes voice. Pokeko kidnapped potiki and was going to take him to mahika. Kahu and sissy tried to save potiki. But they were to late. Oh no what are we going to do said Kahu. lets go and save him said sissy no said Kahu we have to go our separate ways. Kahu left squishing all  the plants as she stomped through the bushes. Sissy was really scared. Sissy started walking a little bit. until she met kahu again. Then sissy said i'm sorry said kahu. Then kahu said i forgive you. Then sissy saw something. What is that  said kahu I'v seen this in some book. It's Manu tukutuku called a  If you say something then it will take you where ever you want to go.Then they said take us to potiki. and then the big kite was pulling them along until it stopped at a big river. They tried to cross the river but they couldent.

End

 Then someone appeared. His name was Te Ra. Te Ra called sissy Maui girl. Te Ra said Maui girl you have to solve a riddle. And your sister can't  say anything alright. Then she saw kahu, whats that said Kahu. I'v seen this in some book said  if you tell it to take you somewhere it will take you. Then they said take us to potiki. and then the big kite was pulling them along until it stopped at a big river. Until the kite came to a big swamp.Then she saw kahu, whats that said Kahu. I'v seen this in some book said  if you tell it to take you somewhere it will take you. She heard a voice it was a big piwakawaka with big bulgy eyes. The piwakawaka said these big eyes make me look silly said the piwakawaka. I  don't think they look silly said sissy. Oh no i'm stuck said the piwakawaka I'll help you said sissy. She pulled the piwakawaka out. Then Sissy carried on to find Potiki. She carried on walking. Then she heard a voice it was Kahu. Kahu said I am so sorry.

• Next steps
  •  Re-craft - how can you improve your writing?
  • Quality vocabulary
  • Elaboration
  • Check punctuation and any spelling errors